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Who is your best friend? Tell us about him/her.

What type of animal is your spirit animal? Why?

What is your earliest childhood memory?

How many people are in your family? What is the birth order of your sibling(s), if you have them?

What is your proudest accomplishment? Why?

Tell us about a childhood nickname of yours. Where did it come from?

What is one thing that you always procrastinate? Why?

What is your biggest pet peeve?

What is your favorite book you’ve ever read?

Do you have a memory box of ticket stubs, cards, letters, etc? If so, why do you keep these things? If not, why don’t you keep these things?

If you could change one thing about your house what would it be? Why?

What is your favorite hobby?

Which family or extended family member are you most like? How?

Who is the most famous person you’ve ever met? Tell us the story.

If you could only have one meal for the rest of your life what would it be? Why?

What have you eaten today?

What is your dream car?

If you could have dinner with any person, dead or alive, who would you choose? Why?

What time do you wake up? What is your morning routine?

What is your favorite or most-watched movie?

When is the last time you cried because you laughed so hard?

What is the best prank you’ve ever pulled? Tell us about it.

Disneyland or Magic Mountain? Why?

What is the coolest animal you’ve ever seen in the wild? In captivity?

Would you rather paint a picture or write a story? Why?

Are you neat? Tidy? Messy? Dirty?

How many hours do you spend on your computer a day? Your phone? A tablet? What are your top three activities?

What is the riskiest or scariest thing you’ve ever done?

Would you rather own ten cats or ten dogs? Why?

What’s the worst food that you’ve ever eaten?

What is the last show you binge-watched?

Are you more a creature of habit, or spontaneous? Explain.

Do you believe in coincidences? Why or why not?

Would you rather live the rest of your life without sight or without hearing? Why?

Do you have music ADD and like to switch the song before it’s finished and flip through radio stations often? Or do you like to listen to the entire length of a song before switching?

Are you more of an introvert or extrovert? Explain.

When you travel, are you an over-packer or under-packer? Explain.

Would you rather live in a climate that’s hot year round or cold? Why?

Are you more passive-aggressive or confrontational? Give us an example.

What was your favorite game as a child?

What is one item of clothing you’ve worn in your life that you greatly regret?

When was the last time you had a solid people-watching session? What did you see?

What’s the most embarrassing thing that has happened to you?

What is your favorite social media platform? Why?

If you could go on one vacation each year but it’s the only one you go on for the next 10 years, where would you go and what would you do?

What is your favorite compliment you’ve ever received?

Would you rather live life spontaneously and by the seat of your pants or according to a schedule and a calendar? Why?

How many hours of sleep do you need to be a functional person the next day?

Do you like to take naps? Why or why not?

What cartoon character are you most like? Why?

Who is the most selfless person you know? Why?

If you had one day with no commitments, what would your perfect day consist of?

Are you a leader or a follower? How do you know?

If you had all the money in the world and didn’t need to work, what would you do with your life?

What are you most excited about in your life right now?

What are you most worried about in your life right now?

Do you like talking and being up in front of people? Why or why not?

What is the last song you had stuck in your head?

PC or Mac? Why?

Droid or Apple? Why?

What one word best describes your mom?

What one word best describes your dad?

Do you have any pets? If so, what kinds and what are their names? If not, what pets would you like to have, if any?

What is your favorite activity to do with your family?

What is your favorite activity to do with your friends?

Are you a person who can sleep anywhere and at anytime? Or do you have specific sleeping conditions that must be met?

Do you get an allowance or have you in the past? If so, do you have to do anything to earn this money?

Are you an anxious traveler or are you easy and go-with-the-flow?

What is the longest flight you’ve ever taken? How long was it and where did you go?

If you could only see one person for the next year of your life, who would it be? Why?

You’re sent to a deserted island, what three things would you take with you?

Who is the smartest person you know? Tell us about him/her.

Where and on what do you spend most of your money?

Who is the funniest person you know? Tell us about him/her.

Are you normally early, on time, or late? Why?

Fruits or vegetables? Why?

Were you a Disney or Nickelodeon or Cartoon Network family growing up? Or none of the above?

Are you a heavy sleeper or a light sleeper? Do you snooze your alarm in the morning or get up right away?

Would you rather have a lot of acquaintances or a couple of best friends? Why?

What items are in the trunk of your car right now?

How much laundry do you have to do at home right now? Is that average for you?

How do you like to be comforted when you are sick?

Do you like sarcasm? Why or why not?

Do you make New Years’ Resolutions? If so, do you usually stick to them? If no, why not?

What is your favorite feature about yourself?

Would you rather ask for forgiveness or permission? Why?

What is the dumbest thing you’ve said or done?

When you laugh, do you laugh out loud and heartily, quietly, or it varies? Demonstrate for us!

Do you need to think out loud to process things, or do you work best quietly in your own head? Explain.

If you could live in America for the rest of your life and never leave or travel the world and never return to America, which would you choose? Why?

What do you get anxious about, if anything?

Would you rather spend more time shopping and looking for a sale or coupon, or buy the first option you find even if it’s full price?

What is the hardest physical thing you have ever done? Why?

What is your greatest strength? What is your greatest weakness?

If you were a cookie, what kind would you be?

If you could only eat one dessert for the rest of your life, what would you choose?

If you were given the opportunity to go live on the moon or another planet for a year, would you do it? Why or why not?

What allergies do you have?

What is your favorite animal to see at the zoo or in the wild?

What is the scariest animal you’ve seen at the zoo or in the wild?

Are you a handy person, or a fixer? Or do you need help with handy projects?

Are you a good multitasker? Explain.

Do you get distracted easily, or are you a focused person?

Would you rather fill your afternoons and weekends with many activities and events, or have time to be at home relaxing?

Do you like driving long distances? Why or why not?

What is your favorite part of a road trip?

What snacks do you get at gas station convenience stores?

Tell us your favorite story you heard from a grandparent, or from an older family member or friend.

Tell us about a regret you have.

Do you usually remember your dreams? What is the last dream you remember, or a recurring dream you’ve had?

Are you a people pleaser? How and why?

What is the hardest thing you’ve ever done?

What is your biggest fear?

What is your favorite family tradition? Tell us about it.

What is one cultural tradition you’ve seen that you would like to have in your life?

What is boring to you?

On a scale from one to ten how much do food noises bother you? One being, you don’t even notice them...what are they? Ten being: you have to leave the room and/or scream loudly when you hear them.

Do you eat breakfast in the morning? If so, what is your usual breakfast?

Are you a “wake hours before I have to be anywhere” person or a “sleep until the last possible minute” person?

How many states have you visited? Which has been your favorite?

What do you remember about your very first day of school? 

Would you rather live in a big, busy city or a small, quiet, rural town?

Do you prefer to talk to friends through email, letter, text, or phone call? Is it different for family members?

What do you spend most of your days thinking about?

Do you make up voices for your pets in your head? If so, what do they sound like?

Do you play a sport? If so, which ones? If not, why not?

Do you prefer to take notes by hand or on an electronic device? Why?

Do you have a favorite photo? Describe it.

Do you like sending real mail? When? To whom?

What is your favorite sporting event to watch or attend?

What social justice issue do you feel most passionate about? Why?

What has been your favorite birthday so far? Why?

What stresses you out the most?

Have you ever played hooky from school or work? If so, what did you do instead?

Are you a morning person or a night person?

Do you love being your age? If not, would you rather be young again or would you rather speed up time and be an adult already?

Have you been to other countries? If so, where, and what was your favorite?

Do you feel your age? Why or why not?

Are you a compulsive person or a planner? How?

Who is your favorite band? What is your favorite song of theirs?

Who do you call when something exciting happens to you? Why?

Who do you call when something difficult or bad happens to you? Why?

What do you want to do when you “grow up”?

What is your least favorite thing to do? Why?

After you die, what 3 words would you want people to use to describe you?

Are you clumsy or accident-prone? If so, tell us a story about how.

What is your dream job?

If you had to have an accent for the rest of your life, which accent would you choose and why?

What is your ideal studying environment?

Would you rather be outside doing physical activities for an afternoon or inside curled up and reading a book? Which do you do most often?

Would you rather drive cross country or fly? Why?

Do you like staying in hotels? Why or why not?

What is your favorite concert you’ve ever been to?

What is your favorite spot in your house? Why?

Who is the best cook you know and what do they cook best?

On the go, are you most likely to listen to the radio, a radio app like Pandora, a podcast, or a CD?

When on public transportation, do you read a book? Chat with the person next to you? Listen to music? Daydream?

McDonald’s, Taco Bell, Jack in the Box, In-N-Out, or Carl’s Jr? Why? What’s your regular order there, if you have one?

What is your favorite guilty pleasure?

What is the most embarrassing TV show you watch?

Have you ever cheated on anything? What and how?

What is a memory from your childhood that comes back when you smell a particular smell?

What is a memory from your childhood that comes back when you hear a particular sound?

What is a memory from your childhood that comes back when you see a particular sight?

What is a memory from your childhood that comes back when you taste a particular food?

What is a memory from your childhood that comes back when you feel a particular item?

What annoys you most about other people?

What do you love most about other people?

Who has influenced you the most in your life? How?

What motivates you?

How do you sleep? On your back? Side? Belly? Do you change positions throughout the night?

What is one piece of technology you can’t live without? If you said phone, what is your second choice? Why?

Mountains or beach? Why?

Snow or sun? Why?

What has been your favorite class? Why?

What is your favorite subject? Why?

What is your favorite city you’ve ever been to?

What is your most valued possession? Why?

What is a nickname you’ve been given that you hate? Why?

What is something you are a perfectionist about? Why?

What family vacation, weekend, or trip, is your favorite memory? Why?

At restaurants, do you order the same thing every time because you know you love it, or do you try to order something different each time to try something new? Why?

What is the worst movie you’ve ever seen? Why?

Who is your favorite person to watch movies with? Why?

Do you like meeting new people? Why or why not?

Do you like fall, winter, spring, or summer best? Why?

Do scary movies and shows scare you and keep you up at night? Or can you sleep peacefully?

When buying airplane tickets, would you rather a window, middle, or aisle seat? Why?

Do you want to have or adopt kids when you grow up? If so, how many?

How do you envision your life in 10 years?

Would you rather be cold all the time or hot all the time? Why?

What is the best joke you’ve heard recently?

Have you ever played an instrument? If so, which one(s)?

What is one place you’ve never been but always wanted to go to? Why?

Do you believe in ghosts? Why or why not?

What inequity have you seen in the world that most frustrates you?

Do you believe in palm readers, mind readers, or psychics? Why or why not?

What do you think about the circus?

Do you love clowns or hate them? Why?

 Do you have a photographic memory? Or a hard time memorizing things? What helps?

When is the last time you did a random act of kindness? What did you do?

Do you ever get deja vu? Does this happen often?

Have you ever been bullied or seen someone else bullied? How?

Has anyone ever been mean to you on social media? How did you respond?

What is your goal for life after high school?

Have you ever gotten surgery? If so, and you feel comfortable sharing, what surgery?

Have you ever broken bones? Which one(s)?

Do you have pride in your school? Why or why not?

What is your favorite thing about your school?

Are you involved in any clubs or activities? What?

Did you believe in childhood stories like Santa, the Tooth Fairy, etc? If so, until what age?

Why has your favorite teacher been your favorite teacher?

Without naming names, why has your least favorite teacher been your least favorite teacher?

Are you the kind of person who gets in trouble in class all the time, or has never gotten in trouble?

Do you like surprises? Why or why not?

What time did you wake up this morning? Was your morning stressed or relaxing? 

How do you get to school or work each day?

Do you take walks in your neighborhood, or do you drive everywhere?

What is the most money you’ve spent on a purchase? What did you get?

What is one gift you would LOVE to get this year? 

What is one thing you’ve learned in this class that has really stuck out to you?

What is the last dance you’ve attended at school? Was it fun?

If you could go on a date night anywhere in Santa Barbara, where would you go and why?

What is one thing that frustrates you regularly?

Who is one adult on campus you trust to have difficult conversations with?

How many weddings have you been to? Where was your favorite wedding?

When is the last time you held a baby? What do you remember?

Have you ever babysat? How old were the kids?

Do you like to save all of your money or spend all of your money?

Sweet or savory? Why?

What is your favorite picnic spot in Santa Barbara?

What is the best beach in Santa Barbara? Why?

When is the last time you were scared? Why?

If you could do anything today after you leave school, what would it be?

Frozen yogurt or ice cream? Why?

Indoors or outdoors? Why?

If you had a free day with no commitments what would you do?

If you could live anywhere in the world for one year and know that you would be coming back to your home after one year, where would you live and why?

Your house is being evacuated because of a fire! You have five minutes-what do you grab?

What is the story behind your first name? (Why were you named with it? What does it mean? Does it have family significance?)

Do you have a middle name? If so, what is the story behind it? (Why were you name with it? What does it mean? Does it have family significance?)

List things that make you excited?

In what ways are you a leader?

For what in your life are you grateful?

What do you do when you need to get energized or pumped up for something?

If you could create a dream concert for yourself with two opening acts, one main act, and in the venue of your choice, what would you choose?

If you were kidnapped and the only way you could be freed was by getting a tattoo on your forehead, what tattoo would you get?

If you could go back to any time and any place in history where would you go and why?

If you could have dinner with any person from history, dead or alive, who would it be and where would you take them?

Who would play you in a movie about your life?

What would the title of the movie about your life be?

You’re stranded on a desert island with a CD player and plenty of food and water, what one CD would you take with you (cannot be a mixed CD, must be a complete album)?


36 questions taken from the study by Arthur Aron, Ph.D., Stony Brook University, explained more here. Can be used with colleagues, classes, etc.



1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?


13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?


25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling…”

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them (already).

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Edited by TwoKidsTwoCats
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